Couples
Counseling
You're both smart, self-aware people.
So why does this keep happening?
Most couples who come in love each other deeply; in fact, often there's no major rupture they can point to. What brings them in is usually something quieter: a recurring fight, a widening distance, a sense that they're not quite reaching each other anymore.
What's often happening underneath is that both people are carrying attachment needs — formed long before this relationship — that aren't being recognized, expressed, or responded to effectively by either partner. That gap is usually where the tension originates.
Many couples have already tried the conversations, the books, maybe a previous round of therapy. What tends to be missing isn't effort or goodwill. It's a way of understanding what's driving the pattern.
I use the Gottman Method to give sessions structure and direction, creating the conditions for hard things to be said and heard. But I work from the understanding that most recurring conflicts have something emotional underneath them that structure alone won't reach: unmet needs, unspoken fears, moments where one person needed the other and the repair never quite happened.
That's what we're working toward.
What you can expect:
Structured space to have the conversations you've been circling around but not quite having
Insight into what's driving the pattern — not just a plan to interrupt it
Confidence in your connection, enough to enjoy each other again
FAQ
1. Does couples therapy mean we're in serious trouble?
Not necessarily. The research on this is pretty clear: Most couples wait several years after problems start before seeking help. By that point, there's usually a lot more to untangle. Coming in earlier, when things feel stuck or strained rather than broken, tends to produce quicker, more positive outcomes.
2. What if my partner is reluctant to come?
Reluctance doesn't doom this process. I'd ask that both of you show up as yourselves — about what you're experiencing, what you want, and what you're afraid of. That's a lower bar than "fully bought in," and it's usually enough to get started. If one of you remains genuinely unwilling to engage, we'll name that directly rather than work around it.
3. How long does couples therapy usually take?
It depends on what you're working on and how entrenched the undesired patterns are. Gottman research suggests most couples see meaningful change within 12-20 sessions, though some choose to continue beyond that. I'll be honest with you about where we are as we go.
4. Can I work on relationship issues in individual therapy?
Yes. Not every relational problem calls for couples therapy: a partner who won't come in, a difficult relationship with a parent or sibling, a ruptured friendship, family-of-origin patterns you find yourself recreating in new relationships. Individual therapy is often the right place to understand your side of a dynamic, including what you're bringing to it, what it's costing you, and what you'd like to do about it.
Additional Resources
A few places to learn more between sessions, or if you're not ready to reach out yet.
-
The Gottman Relationship Blog: Research and articles from one of the couples-therapy approaches this practice draws on
-
The Gottman Referral Network: A directory of Gottman-trained therapists, useful if you're looking elsewhere too.
​
​
​